How to Adopt Without Ruining Your Family
Day 7: Tip #6 – Don’t Do it Alone
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
Recently I took three of my children to a social for adoptive families. “Are you speaking, Mom?” I replied, “No. It’s just lunch, for fun. There’s a bounce house.” My children were confused. “You mean you’re just going to hang out with the parents? That’s awesome, Mom. Good for you!” You see, even the children recognize the need for adoptive parents to find other people to come along side.
Find an on-line support group. Or a blogger you may never meet. Or, like me, locate a church that provides ministry to families who foster and adopt. Go to the adoption events designed for families in your area. If nothing exist, start something yourself. We need each other desperately.
You don’t have to do the same thing, exactly. They might foster. You may adopt. Maybe they have four kids to your one. It doesn’t really matter. The point is to seek out a network of support, because it won’t seek you out.
The statistics for parents of children with trauma, especially–are filled with issues of depression, failure marriages, and dissolved adoptions. Many of these failed forever families provide insights as to what they would have done differently. Atop the list includes finding others to come along side, such as getting help early on and finding resources.
Please don’t allow pride to get in the way of securing reinforcements you need. I realize you want to be able to do it yourself. Maybe the strategies offered sound like nothing more than psychological hogwash. I get it. But what have you got to lose by trying the expert advice of someone who has been down this road before, or has at least studied those who have trod it successfully?
We have ample opportunity to make mistakes parenting. With five degrees between us, Chad and I could paper the walls with medical and child development expertise we share. But we have failed enough in our parenting to realize how much we don’t know. Let me encourage you to look beyond your own devices, for by doing so, there is safety.
Sometimes just having dinner with other families who have adopted is of great benefit. Invite them over. Meet at a local restaurant. Just talk about life. I promise, they don’t have it all together. You simply want to find ways to stop going solo on this journey.
Instead, do it together.